Oh those bloody Cockneys!
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There’s an imaginary college in the archipelago off the coast of Alaska that trains eye doctors.
The graduates are optical Aleutians.
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A bartender yells “Does anyone know CPR?”
“Hell I know the whole alphabet!” I shouted.
The whole bar laughed except for one guy.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks family trees.
A gynecologist looks up bushes.
So a wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.
The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a brand new top of the range sporty BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and £50,000.
A couple of weeks later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a Thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money … but you only gave me a Thank-you card and a box of chocolates.”
To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now”…
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Can verify, grew up Presbyterian.
Hey, me too!
Och, ye puur bairns!
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I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and now apparently I have a bad case of Gary Busey.
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Yeah, I cracked that one last week too 
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A woman has a pain in her chest.
Her husband takes her to Emergency. She’s taken into a cubicle for examination.
After a while the doctor comes to her husband and says. "She has acute angina”
The guy replies "I know Doctor. That’s why I married her. But what caused the pain in her chest?
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