[Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I think I may have laughed a bit too much at this meme]
… and let’s put in some happy little gang tags…
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
^Bonus points if you sing that to yourself in the melody of Volare'
A blonde goes into the gynecologist. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, “Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!”
He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren’t stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas.”
Used to go out with a girl who’d punch me in the face each time she had an orgasm.
I didn’t mind too much until I found out she was faking them.
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14 and I went in to buy some from the pharmacy. It took a lot of guts to ask because it was a small town and she knew me.
She could see that I was really embarrassed and as she handed me the package and asked me if I knew how to use it.
“No, not really” I said. She unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She told me to make sure it was on good and tight.
I must have still looked confused because she looked all around the store to make sure it was empty and said “Come with me.” She walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse, took it off, unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” She asked.
All I could do was stare and nod my head. Then she told me to put the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, took off her panties and lay down on a desk.
“Well, come on,” she said, “We don’t have all day.“ So I got busy but I only lasted a couple of seconds and Bazinga, it was over.
She looked at me and sadly shook her head. “Did you put that condom on?” she asked. I said, " I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
Then she beat the shit out of me.