And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created He them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And the devil said, “I know how I can get back in this game.”
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And the devil created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.
And the devil said to Man: “You want fries with that?” And Man said: “Supersize them.” And Man gained five pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And the devil brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained five pounds.
And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”
And the devil brought forth Ben and Jerry’s. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, “I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”
And the devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And the devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, “You’re running up the score, devil.”
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And the devil saw and said, “It is good.”
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil created HMO’s.