Gardening humor

Interests Gardening
#1

The daffodils just came out…I didn’t even know they were gay.

I dug a hole in my garden and filled it with water…I meant well.

My neighbors hate it when I talk to my plants…I use a megaphone.

I went online to search for “difficult garden plants” …nothing came up.

I used to wear a flower in my lapel, but I stopped. The pot kept banging me in the nuts.

For the third night in a row, someone has been adding soil to my garden…the plot thickens.

A friend of mine is so vain, he goes into the garden so the flowers can smell him.

Yesterday, I only watered half my lawn. I heard there was a 50% chance of rain.

I just found pebbles in my pond filter. Fred and Wilma are going to be very upset.

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#2

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

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#3

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor’s garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

“It’s really quite simple,” the old man explained. “Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment.”

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. “So,” he asked, “Any luck with your tomatoes?”

“No,” she replied excitedly…“But you should see the size of my cucumbers!”

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#4

Gardening jokes make me feel good from ma head to ma toes.

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#5

World Naked Gardening Day, I kid you not. May 7, 2016.

I intend to have some hoeing done by the local hotties.

#6

You are kind of a rake…

#7

You’re going to squeeze the tomatoes?

#8

And hopefully I’ll possess nine-inch cucumbers.

#9
#10

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#11

image

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#12

I will mine this thread for my Master Gardener’s class and colleagues and vice-versa.

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#13

Tell us more? :slightly_smiling_face:

Did you eveer get your tomatoes replanted last year?

#14

Hi LR!

Washington developed and implemented the first Master Gardener cohort over 30 years ago. They spread all over the country. They’re put together, in CA at least, with the University of California Agriculture and Natural Resources Department in most counties in CA.

I have 4 months of classroom training/learning, have to pass an exam and volunteer 50 hours to meet my commitment. Basically we’re considered unpaid (volunteer) horticultural staff of the UC.

It’s been a couple of weeks and I enjoy it a great deal. It’s right up my alley.

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#15

This sounds great, especially for you! :clap:

#16

How is it going with the Master Gardener training?

Are you learning about making a drainage system for the garden yet? Bad joke. :grin:

#17

They were going to install tiling, but didn’t bring enough SCUBA gear.

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#18

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image700×647 69.9 KB

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#19

It’s going well. So far it’s been soil, horticulture, pests, and backyard orchards. Going well. Learning a lot.

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#20

Did you buy your first tractor yet? lol

It sounds pretty complex, I think you will learn a lot. :slightly_smiling_face:

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