Back to the cackles
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
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Jewish Irony: Passover canceled because of a plague.
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Many parents are just about to discover the teacher is not the problem.
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Sneezes went from bless you to fuck you real quick.
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Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.
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My cleaning lady just messaged to say she will be working from home and will send me instructions on what to do.
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We’re about two weeks away from seeing everyone’s true hair color.
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What’s worse: two masked guys trying to rob you or your unmasked pizza delivery guy?
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I’ve almost completed my 90 day trial of 2020. How do I cancel?
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Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.
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Anyone else feel like life is being written by a fourth grader? “And there was this virus and everyone was scared. And then the world ran out of toilet paper. Yeah, and then there was like no school for a month.”
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Anyone have a recipe to make toilet paper out of cauliflower?
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If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before covid-19.
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Looks like we’ll also need to bail out our political and science fiction writers, and retrain them to be historians.
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Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly: Next week-- turn signals!!!
